Group of writers gathered in a group

Ask For What You Want

Recently I saw someone post on Instagram: Asking for what you want is some powerful magic.

The sentiment was along the lines of, nothing in life is ever handed to you. You must struggle and toil to get what you want. And you should never ask for what you want, because you don’t deserve it until you’ve earned it.

Man, this hit me.

It hit me because as I’ve been doing my own personal development over the years, I’m aware that I learned early on that I’m not allowed to ask for what I want. That I am the one who frequently tells myself I’m not allowed to ask for what I want. That I’ve internalized “you don’t deserve it until you earn it” to mean that I must prove I am worth the thing I want, and that I prove it by the work I do to earn it.

Oh boy, is that some deep shit or what?

Prove my own worth=I’m not worthy just because I’m me.

This affects so many areas of my life.

Yes, I have a strong work ethic, one that I’m proud of. In my family we started early and worked late. Work hard, play later was the mantra. Nothing ever came easy, and expecting that it would was sacrilege.

But also, I have a hard time…

  • Asking for help
  • Making time for myself
  • Taking a break
  • Splurging or indulging
  • Writing about myself

…because, am I worth it?

But the truth is I WANT all of those things: help, time for myself, a break, an indulgence, to tell my story.

But am I allowed to want those things?

The answer, of course, is yes, but it takes a lot of personal work and self-awareness to get to this place. And even when you get there, it’s daily work. Some days are still a struggle and I get to the end of the day feeling completely burnt out—take a guess why. Because I’ve fallen back into the trap of believing I have to work to prove my worth and to earn the things I want in life.

Maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about. You don’t allow yourself to ask for what you want either—to fully embrace your creative life, to have a less demanding job so that you have more time for writing, to not feel guilty when you take time for your writing or your book, to have a book manuscript that people are excited to read.

But here’s the thing: as long as we tell ourselves we must work to prove our worth, that we must struggle for the things we want, it will be true. We will have to work and struggle, because that is what we believe is required of us.

But if we believe that we can in fact ask, and we allow ourselves to do it—that, my friend, is definitely some powerful magic.

All of a sudden the energy around our desires has shifted. We no longer have to prove that we are worth it. Instead we believe we are worth it and therefore we are empowered to ask for it. We trust that it will come, and that it will come easily with little effort.

Let me say that again:

Asking means trusting.

So now let me ask you two things. The first is for you and the second is for me:

What is it you want to ask for? Hit reply to this email and let me know. I love hearing from you and I read every response.

Here’s something I want that I’m asking you for: if you know someone who would benefit from this email would you please forward it to them and suggest that they sign up for my email list

Sending positive energy out to you for what you’re asking for.

p.s. Here’s the post from @thekevingarcia on Instagram that inspired this email.

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