I am not a very patient person. Just ask my husband. When I get an idea for something, I want to start NOW. Like this instant. And once I’m started, I want to be DONE immediately—no, yesterday. I want to be done yesterday. In fact, why isn’t it done YET?
There’s a to-do list with all this busy work. The faster I can get it done, the sooner I can nap. Or read. Or watch a movie. Or have a glass of wine. Or go out to dinner with friends. Or whatever the preferred version of RELAX is for the day.
I am constantly trying to be done with WORK so that I can PLAY.
In April of 2020, at the beginning of the pandemic, when we had been sheltering-in-place for a mere four weeks (pshh, easy!) I started feeling a bit stir crazy and decided what my husband Jeremy and I needed was a bike ride. A nice long bike ride. Outside. In the sun. Away from the house for a couple of hours.
Jeremy got the bikes cleaned up. Wiped them down from spiderwebs after being in the garage all winter. Pumped up the tires. We were ready. The weekend was ours for the bike riding. Except for one thing.
Not just an overcast sprinkling. No, an all-out three-day downpour. I mean, flash-floods, downpour.
We stayed in bed to watch movies and postponed our bike ride to the next weekend. The bikes were ready. We were ready. All we had to do was hop on, pedal our little hearts out, and go.
We did a few chores in the morning. Ate lunch. Filled water bottles. Grabbed sunglasses and headed out to the bikes. My front tire was flat. No worries, Jeremy got out the pump. He clipped the nozzle to the tire valve. As soon as he started pumping, a hissssssss. A punctured inner tube. No worries, Jeremy said he’d run to the hardware store.
It was Sunday. Easter Sunday.
Every store closed. Even Target.
Bike ride postponed one more week.
Did we get our bike ride the next weekend?
Yes. Yes we did, my friend.
Was it hard to wait? It was SO hard. Was it worth it? SO worth it.
I may never be a patient person, but I do think I’m getting better at waiting. Maybe that’s the same thing. I’m also getting better at letting go. When one thing doesn’t work out, there is something else. Not necessarily better than the thing I want and can’t have. But it’s different and equally good for that moment.
At least that is what I tell myself to help my impatient self make sense of confusion and chaos.